Everyday is a new gift which needs to be opened gently.

I often wonder why I have done what I have done. I question if it was part of a 'divine' plan or was it because I needed to learn a lesson. To this day, I have yet to get a concrete answer. Although, every once in a while, I am gently reminded of the different experiences I have encountered and why I encountered them.

Today was a tough day. I needed to be a comfort for so many and yet maintain my composure for so many. Those who needed to be comforted found themselves not only embracing those who cared for them, but also in a place where I feel most comfortable; in a church. I do make Mass every morning and it is a great way for me to start my day. Sometimes, it is true, that I do not get "the message of the day" or sometimes I drift and think of other things, but for twenty minutes in the morning it is just me and God having a heart to heart.

I often wondered why I spent one year in a seminary and often wondered why I left. Would I still be there? Would I have gone through the ordination process and tried to be "the healer" to so many people. Then I take a step back and realize I do so much for so many people in the vocation that I am in. However, today my "seminary" hat came to pass. I needed to wear it proudly to offer comfort and solace to those who needed it or perhaps just "to be church visible" to those who did not need it but just needed to know I was in sight.

I was calm. I was there. I was "church" for many amongst the many despite the fact that I was having a little chat with God. Perhaps I need to listen more closely and I will get the answer I have been searching for. Or maybe, just maybe, I need to realize that those conversations I have in the morning, are the answers I am looking for. Those conversations are the gentle reminders, but then the other question arises... am I listening?